Hello.
The storm as just passed. I got over the vocal exams pretty okay yesterday, i'm glad to say its finally finished. There will be more to come, but i swear i would be ten-fold more prepared for it. Thing is, thats not the storm i was talking about. In fact, i can't give a pinky's matter about it. Something else is bothering me, and i don't like it where its going.
Just quarreled with my Mum. Big time. Its not been long since so, but this recent one made me wonder. Surprisingly, i gave in my stand pretty quick and titled myself as useless junk. I don't know, i probably feel that i let her down for shouting so much and being pretty much a selfish bastard. I mean, i have this 'thing' in me and i always require her assistance to help 'clean up' and its just because i'm afraid i trigger that thing from happening again and having to go through the same troubles. I quarreled with her over that, despite what? Despite her having seams all over after her recent operation. Am i that fucked up? I wonder so much. Maybe i'm just useless? I don't know either. Whats the point of being so successful in games, CCA, and studies mayhap, if i cannot even handle and juggle my family issues properly.... This is ridiculous and i hate myself so much.
I.... guess i need to do a lot more reflection. Even now, she is cooking. Should i even have the heart to touch the food she is preparing? The sky is crying with me on this side of the world, the thunder and lightning like the turmoil that rages inside me. I feel so demented and depressed. And whats worst? Theres not a soul in the world who would understand this pain. Mayhap my brother could talk to me, but what good would it do? I don't know what to say. I just feel like letting out all the breath inside me and die with this dreaded world behind my back.
I suppose theres nothing else i feel like ranting anymore. Sorry for this rather depressing post, after a long hiatus. Goodbye people.
For naught would thy pain carry thy's suffering?
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