And i finally understand.

Hi again. (: My mood is totally different, not necessarily in a bad way. I feel, 'suppressed'. And 'subdued'. But at the same time, i feel this inner peace, and although it contradicts when i say i feel a little unhappy at the same time, it makes me think that perhaps this is the right way....
And so, on to why. My brother talked to me, and he told me many things. And it made me realise how important  it was that i recognised reality. That i accept the unaccomodating truth in life. Perhaps, i saw it the wrong way all this while. Perhaps support and understanding for her would only come, when i decide to let go. It wasn't even easy deciding to do that. It wasn't at all. But i had to, and i did. I told her how i had changed my thinking. I wouldn't care anymore, or rather, i would not bother. It sounds heartless, but perhaps heartless is what i need. It might look like i don't care, but perhaps not caring is what i should do. And it might look like i think its right, but not i only feel its necessary. Its a huge irony, that i must force myself to accept. To deny my bliss, for her sake. I never felt the urge to do this before, nor did i have the strength. But i have it now, and i will have it still.
What was my decision exactly? To let go of all the problems and frustrations i had, and let her do whatever she wants. ALL the problems that crop up from now on, i wouldn't give a damn anymore. All the unhappiness as well. I wouldn't voice it out, nor would i tell her why i was like that. If you want to continue changing, its entirely up to you. If i have the need to, i would forsake the thought that you are attached to me. Perhaps that would help, perhaps that is the only way i can do this. Nobody said it was easy, nor was it hard, but its very, very difficult. Its not just challenging to the mind, but to the body as well. And all i can pray for, is that it will work out well. If not, i would rather not live to see another day.
I fell for you, and from the moment i decided to get into this relationship, it was also a decision to put up with all this. I told you i didn't want to judge you, but if i did. It was extremely crude. I would say you are selfish, unaware, oblivious, inconsiderate. There are many judgments to make, but i won't continue. Just know that for the number of times our problems have resurfaced because you didn't take enough notice, those opinions were slowly formed, and from opinions they became a fact that i couldn't deny. But yet at the same time i'm forcibly denying it, explaining why i could never give you any answer with a definite conviction. All i can say is, it is up to you to decide what is best for us. I am no longer going to care about your affairs, but lets just say. I hope that you will see the greater meaning behind this, and do whats right. Not hurt me, anymore.
I will not apologise anymore, because i feel the reason behind this problems is our lack of communication and your lack of the ability to be aware. And it isn't my fault. If you have objections, come to me and speak it. Because you do not have the right to hide anything from me, i do, because i have to. Because i must, not because i want to. But because i'm obliged by reality to do so. With this, i end my post.
Goodbye. And, I love you.♥